Comfort in Loss

A young couple learns first hand about God's strength in difficult times.

By: Ellen Morgan

It was a time of high expectations. That fine October day my husband Larry and I had a healthy baby girl—our first child. We were delighted to meet this new soul, and to us she was beautiful. Life was good, and we were blessed. Monica was very interested in her surroundings, and there was never a dull moment. We had no warning of the hard time ahead.

On her first birthday, Monica was under the weather. We realize now that from that day on she was not 100% well. By December her misery was constant—we could not make her comfortable unless she was on our lap with no pressure on her anywhere. We prayed for her and put church papers under her pillow, trusting God to honor the prayers that had been prayed over the papers before distribution. At her second exam, the doctor told us that it looked like leukemia, and that we were to head straight to the Oncology ward at the Children's Hospital. We were ready to do anything to help her feel better.

After taking time to call our pastor requesting prayer and pick up a few items, we arrived at the hospital, where we learned that her condition was indeed a rare form of leukemia. How thankful we were that we had stopped to request prayer. The Lord was our anchor during those confusing moments when we felt adrift on stormy seas. As our minds were trying to sort out whether this was an immediate “terminal” diagnosis or if it was treatable, the assurance of the congregation's prayers carried us. We actually had no doubt about God's ability to heal her completely if He wished. He knew the whole situation, and many people kept her case before the Lord in prayer.

During the next ten months, Monica's illness and treatment issues consumed our lives. Day after day was spent with her in the hospital, with intervals spent at home where we had to be careful not to expose her to germs. She dearly loved to go to church, so we had her cover her nose and mouth with a handkerchief and stay in a windowed back room during the church service. She waved at the congregation through the window and sang songs along with them.

Many times during that span of time, the Lord provided the comfort and grace necessary for the moment, as occasions of misery or uncertainty were commonplace. I recall weeping through church services or over her photographs as I struggled with the idea of losing her.

The Lord gave comfort in many ways. Although we would not have chosen to have another baby during all of this, now we see God's handiwork in the design. Two months before Monica went to Heaven, our second child was born. She was a very quiet baby, and Monica loved to lie beside her and hold her hand. Breanne's presence was a comfort to us all.

Monica entered Heaven on a beautiful Sunday morning in October. She was three days past two years old. Her health had sharply declined and we had been praying that she could soon leave the misery behind. Nevertheless, the event was momentous. Driving home in the early Sunday traffic, I remember thinking, “How can these people just drive around like nothing happened?” The world just stood still. But in the days to follow the Lord upheld us and helped us to face each detail. At her funeral, we released 24 balloons, one for each month of her life, symbolic of her spirit rising above this world to Heaven. What comfort there was in the knowledge that we would see her again!

Since then the Lord has filled our life with life. The baby that was two months old at Monica's death supplied the motivation to get out of bed when there was no desire to face the day, and she was a safe topic of conversation. Now Larry and I have three healthy daughters, and we are involved in our church. Those overwhelming waves of grief diminished over the months to follow, and eventually the memories came without pain. The joy of the Lord is our strength—and there truly is joy. Each day the Lord brings songs to our hearts. He healed the hurt and brought good things into our lives—life after loss.

Ellen Morgan is a member of the Apostolic Faith Church in Portland, Oregon.