Forgiveness is a glorious part of the plan of salvation. When we come to God in faith repenting of our sins, though we are guilty, He forgives us for Jesus’ sake. He cancels our penalty, washes away our sin and shame, and fills our hearts with peace and the joy of Heaven. It is a wonderful feeling to be forgiven!

At the same time, being the recipient of God’s forgiveness brings a responsibility that must be taken seriously. Jesus brought this out in the parable of the Unmerciful Servant, which is found in Matthew 18. He said there was a king who forgave his servant a debt of ten thousand talents. In turn, that servant refused to forgive a peer a debt of one hundred pence. This so angered the king that he delivered his servant “to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.” Jesus closed the parable by saying, “So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses” (verses 34-35). With this parable, Jesus made clear a basic principle of Christianity: salvation brings with it the requirement of forgiving others.  

God expects forgiveness to flow from the heart of every Christian—all those who have experienced His mercy and the benefits of His love. Being slow to forgive can hinder our prayers and risk our relationship with Him. To maintain God’s blessing on our lives, it is important that we understand what true forgiveness is and how we can achieve it in our daily living.   

What is forgiveness?

When we look at definitions for the word forgiveness, we find that in the New Testament, it is translated from the Greek word aphiemi, which means “to let go.” A dictionary definition is “a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person who has harmed you, regardless of whether the person deserves forgiveness.” To summarize, forgiveness means letting go of bitter feelings and our right to retaliate. This includes giving up any claim of compensation for the hurt or loss we have suffered.

Perhaps another way of understanding this important subject is to look at what it is not. Forgiveness is not passively waiting for the problem to lessen. It is not a game of pretense; it is not a cover-up for sin. It does not excuse the offender from the consequences of his or her actions. It does not mean ignoring the past and submitting to repeat offenses. Instead, it is a voluntary release of a legitimate debt.

For the Biblical standard of forgiveness, we can look to Jesus. While suffering on the Cross for sins He did not commit, He prayed for those who had rejected the truth and called for His crucifixion. He said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). Jesus provided the perfect example, and He is the One we want to emulate in every situation.

Who needs forgiveness?

Everyone needs God’s forgiveness. The Bible tells us, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). Many of us have called upon Him, confessing and repenting of our sins, and have received His forgiveness. This reconciled us to God, but there will still be times when He corrects us and we must apologize to Him, needing His forgiveness.

We also need forgiveness from those who come to us with an offense that we have committed against them. Even when we didn’t mean to offend or were unaware that we had, we need to acknowledge the wrongs that we have done and make restitution when appropriate. God will help us in these situations as we keep a humble attitude. We are told in James 4:6, “But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.”

Likewise, those who have offended us need our forgiveness, and we must give it. It makes no difference who the offender is—a Christian, family member, friend, or enemy. It doesn’t matter whether that person has lied, cheated, falsely accused us, or simply said the wrong thing. The Apostle Paul instructed, “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye” (Colossians 3:12-13). Forgiving as Christ did is not based on the offender or offense, but on His love and sacrifice. When we have experienced God’s forgiveness and the blessings that come with it, we can forgive others for Jesus’ sake.

On the part of the believer, forgiveness must be present in every relationship, including that of husband and wife, parent and child, and employer and employee—both in extending and receiving it. It must also be present at church.

There will be offenses within our congregations. We are a diverse population with honest, legitimate differences in opinion, likes and dislikes, and emotions. Each of us sees things from our own perspectives, and as a result, we may offend each other from time to time as we interact. When this happens, the Bible enjoins us to extend mercy to each other. When writing to the saints at Ephesus, Paul said, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32). As we extend mercy to others, it is likely being extended to us, so it is best to forgive as we would want to be forgiven.

When to forgive

Matters requiring forgiveness should be settled as soon as they come to light. It is not necessary to wait for an offender to come to us and confess before we forgive. We don’t want to say, “He has not come back to me and apologized, so I can’t forgive him.” The standard for Christian forgiveness is higher than that. We are to forgive whether the other person apologizes, acknowledges the offense, or even realizes that an offense has occurred.  

Delaying forgiveness will hinder our prayer lives. If we want our prayers to reach Heaven, we must make sure there is nothing between us and our Savior. That means there can be nothing between us and our brothers and sisters in Christ. If there is discord, we must attempt to resolve it. We want to make sure that to the best of our abilities, all channels are clear when we pray.

Waiting to forgive will hinder our walk with the Lord. Jesus said, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15). God is patient with us in matters that are difficult when we are willing to be made able to obey. However, we don’t want to presume upon Him until our procrastination has turned to disobedience and sin. Ultimately, forgiveness is not an option; it is commanded.

In addition to forgiving promptly, we are to do so every time. The Apostle Peter once came to Jesus with the question, “Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?” The surprising answer was, “I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21-22). Jesus wasn’t advocating that Peter keep a record and withhold forgiveness after the four-hundred-and-ninetieth time. If God had forgiven us of only four-hundred-and-ninety sins, we would be in trouble. Jesus meant that we are to forgive an unlimited number of times.

How to forgive

In the parable of the Unmerciful Servant, Jesus’ warning was to those who “forgive not from your hearts” (Matthew 18:35). Forgiveness must be sincere; a mere pretense will give Satan a foothold in our lives. Paul wrote to the Corinthians about one who had offended, suffered the consequences, but continued to be ostracized. He said, “Forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow. Wherefore I beseech you that ye would confirm your love toward him” (2 Corinthians 2:7-8). Our actions need to show that our forgiveness is genuine.

Where the other person is concerned, we don’t need to know if he or she is sincere or not. When someone comes to us with an apology or restitution, we want to graciously accept it. We need to forgive at face value rather than probe deeper. We can consider the apology a bonus, because the Christian standard of forgiveness is high—an offender doesn’t need to make amends to receive our forgiveness. It is not our place to judge someone’s motives, so we give people the benefit of the doubt and leave the question of sincerity to God.

We must also forgive wholly; there can be no partial forgiveness. This means laying down the matter and leaving it. God’s forgiveness toward us was complete. Hebrews 10:17 tells us, “Their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.” This is the forgiveness we want to mirror.

The act of forgiving can seem impossible when the trespass has caused us great distress, loss, reproach, or inconvenience. However, even in a situation that has affected us badly, God can heal us so that we have love in our hearts for that person rather than feelings of bitterness or resentment.

The account of Joseph is one example of the genuine and complete forgiveness that the grace of God can achieve. Joseph’s brothers hated him and ultimately sold him into slavery when he was a teenager. Not only did he suffer the hardships of slavery and separation from his family, but his new circumstances led him to be falsely accused and imprisoned. Yet, after all he went through, he was able to say to his brothers, “Be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life. . . . It was not you that sent me hither, but God” (Genesis 45:5, 8). God sustained Joseph during his trials and caused good to come from a seemingly hopeless situation. If we will entrust our pain and hurt to God while continuing to follow Him as Joseph did, He will bring about complete healing for us as well.

One practical tool that will help us forgive and heal is to pray for those who hurt us. Jesus said, “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). Doing this will enable us to see the offender from God’s perspective as a soul in need of a Savior, and not as our enemy.

Failing to Forgive

Withholding forgiveness can have a ripple effect that leads to many disasters. It has the potential to cause permanent damage to our spiritual and physical lives, and the lives of those around us.

Harboring a grudge is spiritually, emotionally, and physically draining. Rather than internalizing negative emotions, we can pray, telling God about the matter and our feelings on it. He is best able to understand what we are going through and give comfort and direction.

A failure to forgive can also ruin relationships, and not just with the offender. People who are resentful are often caustic, sarcastic, and condemning. Over time, as their thoughts towards others grow malignant, their whole view of life becomes distorted. Soon they are behaving unkindly and no one wants to be around them. If we find ourselves in a position where our thoughts are constantly turning to complaints, we need to ask God to examine our hearts and remove any resentment.   

Another danger of holding resentment in our hearts is that it may fester into bitterness and lead to sin. We are warned in Hebrews 12:15 to look “diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.” We need to be very careful not to let the root of bitterness grow in us—the earlier we take care of a problem, the better.

Where forgiveness is lacking, there will be speculation and suspicion. Within the church this can lead to an environment where believers no longer have confidence in each other. When that happens, the Gospel work is stifled. For it to move forward, we must be united; we need to be able to pray together in one accord. Speculation can also open the door to murmurings, back-biting, and gossip—things that have no place among God’s people. We don’t want any part of hindering the Gospel message or sowing discord among believers. If we will surrender our burden of offense to God, He will help us become one who builds up in His house rather than tears down.

The benefits of forgiving

When we forgive, the result is like an ocean wave pouring over our souls and washing away all the pollution that offense has caused in our hearts. It brings the benefits of restored fellowship, answered prayers, and God’s blessing on our lives.

Are you struggling to forgive someone today? Let God lift your burden and free you to move forward with your life.