Meeting Transcripts

Opening Remarks

Welcome

Welcome to all of you! It is nice to have you here and we look forward to a good time this morning. Your job was to get here, and our job here in Portland was to prepare to host you. I am sure that all efforts will pay off with a great camp meeting.

On your schedule of events, you will notice that we will begin with a light buffet. Now be sure to notice the theme and the decorations and let Sister Melissa know how much you enjoyed and appreciated them. She certainly enjoys doing it. This is an open buffet, which means you can go back for seconds. Let’s stand and Brother Nolan Roby will ask the blessing.

A Couples Assignment     

We are all looking to be a perfect pastor, a perfect pastor’s wife, to have perfect children, and have a perfect congregation. That is perfectly impossible to achieve, isn’t it?

In the booklet that you have in front of you, there are questions that you and your wife need to work on together to answer. This is an assignment. You have thirty seconds per question. We will go over each of the questions and answers together in five minutes. There will be a point to be made with each one of these as we go along.

Consecrated

You Made Consecrations

In the late 1970s or early 1980s when I used to prepare income tax returns, one could use what was called “accelerated depreciation.” This meant that when you bought a business property, you had the option of writing that piece of property off over a very short period of time, and this yielded tax benefits. The philosophy back then was to get as many write-offs as possible, as soon as possible, knowing all along that when that property was sold, you would have to pay it back. The transaction of paying back was called “depreciation recapture.” The prevailing thought was to live for today and deal with tomorrow when it got there. Well, tomorrow always came, and I was glad to be out of the tax business when tomorrow arrived for those people who had chosen to take the accelerated depreciation.

This reminds me of where all of us were in our late teens and early twenties. We were consecrating and we were praying around the altars of prayer. We were telling God that we would go to China, Korea, or anywhere. We gave all to God, didn’t we? For the most part, we have not been to China or Korea; we probably stayed close to the same state where we made those consecrations. Nevertheless, time has come to pay back, and we cannot get out of the business! We are stuck! That is amusing perhaps, but as we look back, we might think, Why did we ever make those consecrations?

We made them and we do not regret making them. Here we are in life, and God has called us on those consecrations. We may try to say, “Not this,” or, “Not that, Lord,” or, “How can this be?” but we are where we are and we do not regret that. Certain elements have been imposed upon us by life, more specifically by God, so we endeavor to do the best that we can to serve the Lord. As the result of what life has dealt us, we are in the role of pastor and wife, and we find ourselves dealing with things that back then we did not know we would have to deal with.

Now let’s go over the questions and talk about each one as we go.

Cultivate Your Marriage

1: You have an unexpected day to spend together as a couple. Of the following, which way best describes the way you would spend it?

·         Go shopping at the mall together.

·         Go out to breakfast together while you discuss how to spend the rest of the day.

·         Look for projects to complete around the church.

·         He goes fishing while you work on organizing your photo albums.

One question that comes to mind is,” Why did you have to wait for an unexpected day?” We should make a day. In fact, it is vitally important that we plan to spend time together, because if we wait for a convenient time, it will never come. Having said that, in terms of an answer it really does not matter how you choose to spend that day, as long as the two of you agree. Whether we have been married twenty years or forty years, we need to continually make an effort to strengthen and cultivate our relationship. If our relationship fails to survive, we fail to survive in the role that God has called us to fill. 

2: Company is coming for dinner, and you sent your husband to the store to get an ingredient you are missing to complete your meal. The husband will:

·         Buy the exact item you requested.

·         Buy something resembling what you requested.

·         Advise you to revise the recipe.

·         Offer to take over while you go to the store.

The only comment I have here is that if the husband is the one who invited the dinner guest, then he better do whatever the wife says.

3: On your wife’s birthday, she can expect the following:

·         A card.

·         Flowers and a card.

·         An item of clothing.

·         A tablecloth for all the company the husband invites to dinner.

·         Computer equipment for the church work.

In buying a gift for your wife, practicality can be more expensive than being extravagant! Since your personal lives are very important, you need to do whatever it takes to cultivate your life together. If the two of you agree that you want to buy a computer for the church for your wife’s birthday, then Praise the Lord! I wouldn’t even go there myself! Actually, what I usually give my wife for her birthday is what she bought a month ago and told me that I could give her on her birthday. 

Cultivating your relationship provides an example for the entire church. The whole church is observing you as a couple. So do not sacrifice your relationship and the work of the Lord. 

4: Which song best describes your marriage?

·         There Is a Quiet Understanding.

·         Revive Us Again.

·         In Times Like These.

·         Sweeter as the Days Go By.

There needs to be an understanding even if life isn’t always quiet. We must always look for ways to have our relationship revived. When I counsel young couples that are contemplating marriage, I always tell the husband to remember to date his wife. Debbie loves it when I do marriage counseling because I remember that I should date my wife. So when I ask her on a date, she asks me, “Have you been counseling again?” Of course, we always need a Savior and an independent close relationship with Him.

The song “Sweeter as the Days Go By,” certainly describes everyone here. It is a privilege to serve the Lord in any capacity. You became a pastor because you enjoyed the Gospel and you are going to succeed in the Gospel because you continue to enjoy it.

In the different literature that crosses my desk, it has been interesting to see pastors described as a segment of culture that is victimized. Because you are a pastor you are a victim and somehow you are to be pitied. May the Lord help us! It is a privilege to serve God. It is a privilege to be a pastor because you work for the most beautiful people on earth, the saints of God. We should count it a privilege. We will probably encounter a certain amount of sacrifices along the way that we perhaps would not have had if we were not a pastor or a pastor’s wife. However, there are a lot of privileges that we would not have enjoyed, had we not been called. We must focus on the privileges, and not let the devil cause us to focus on the other.

Wherever you are serving God, make an effort to make good memories. There are some advantages to relocating from time to time. There are also some disadvantages. A lot of people that live in the same place for a long time wish they could have a fresh start somewhere else. So there are benefits and we want to take advantage of those blessings that the Lord has provided.

5: The pastor is serving the ordinance bread you prepared and you suddenly hear it fall to the carpet between parishioners. Which of the following describes what you will do?

·         Go deeper on your knees before the Lord.

·         Go deeper still.

·         Be glad you made extra.

The pastor who serves the ordinance bread that his wife prepared, most likely will not solve the problem. He is going to come to his wife and say, “Honey, please help.” The solution is easy if there is extra in the church kitchen.

6: One of the beloved saints of the Lord rings your doorbell at 7:00 a.m. on Saturday. Which of the following best describes what you would do:  

·         Yell: “Nobody’s home!”

·         Answer the door with morning hair and breath.

·         Be very still.

Really, it does not make any difference if it is seven o’clock or noon. The point is that we are guardians of one another’s solitude. Our home is our personal place of refuge, and it is not necessary to post an open house sign on the front lawn. If you like to do that, and both of you can stay sane, then go for it. But most people are not built that way.

7: You finally have opportunity to spend a night alone at the beach. At the last moment, one of your peers at church joyfully makes a request to join you. The proper response is:  

·         That would be fun if my spouse wasn’t recovering from a very contagious strain of mad cow disease.

·         Be honest and say that you need time alone.

Everyone is different. Some may want to make that happen and others will not. If you are going to cultivate your relationship as a couple, having another couple may not be conducive.

8: On the way to a beach getaway, the topic of choice in conversation should be:

·         How to effectively expand the evangelistic work into neighborhoods around the church.

·         Discuss those who are compromising the standard of the Gospel.

·         Zero in on the lesser qualities of the spiritually lean in the congregation.

·         Talk about your plans for next Christmas.

I guess the question is, “What state of mind do you want for your getaway?” It is important to have a personal life, and the Bible teaches us that there is little gain in discussing some subjects. Some will have to be discussed, but the more that you can limit it the better off you are.

Cultivate Your Church Relations

9: You are on a road trip with your children in the back seat. Your best avenues of discussing a frustrating church matter are:

·         Discuss them in the same manner you would if your children were not present.

·         Whisper softly.

·         Consider changing the subject.

I am sure that none of you would do that to your children. If they grow up knowing all the challenges that exist within the church, they will go to a different church, if any church at all. You can count on that. Debbie and I used to sometimes whisper softly. Randy was usually in his own little world and did not pay much attention to what was going on. Alicia was a reader, so her face was in a book whenever we traveled. So when we leaned toward the middle and talked about something, the quieter we got, the more you could feel that radar screen going up. After Alicia was old enough, she knew that we did not talk about things like that normally. We really should not have discussed it in front of them at all, because even if it is not done in a frustrating-type manner, your children live with you and observe you for many years, and they are perceptive. If they detect that you are going through life frustrated because of the work of the Lord, what kind of picture are you painting for them regarding the work of the Lord? We want our children to love and respect the church and the saints and the ministry, though they will observe through life that everyone is quite human and has a certain number of strengths as well as weaknesses. Because we have observed their weaknesses is no reason not to love them and appreciate their strengths.

10: One of the mothers complains to you that your child has stuck bubblegum in her child’s violin case. Which of the following is your best way to respond:

·         “Your child isn’t exactly an angel.”

·         Laugh hysterically.

·         Cry hysterically.

·         Remember Proverbs 26:20, “Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out.”

There is a good chance that the initial thought that comes to your mind is the first option, but you are not going to say that. The reason that you are not going to say that is because you are going to live there for a long time to come, with that same mother and those same children.

You can laugh or cry hysterically when you get home or remember Proverbs 26:20. I think the key is to remember that you are going to live in a certain location for a while. Do not burn bridges and destroy relationships! Hold back; that small issue is going to pass. After a while the bubblegum will harden and snap right off. Another thing to remember is that it really does not pay to fight your children’s battles. Let them figure it out among themselves. Believe me, they will work it out and will have forgotten the whole thing by nightfall. However, when the parents get involved and interfere, the problem will linger with you for the rest of your stay at that location. In addition, you are an example for the congregation. It does not pay to fight your children’s battles.

It also never pays to react publicly to anything that your children tell you privately. If your children tell you something about somebody in the church, do not prepare your Sunday morning sermon around that. Your children are not the spiritual barometers of the saints in the congregation. You ought to run from that information, and if it did come to your mind when you were at the pulpit, you should not go there by any means.

11: A lovely church family (mom, dad, and four lively children) from another branch location shows up unannounced at your door on Saturday evening expecting dinner and accommodations. The husband’s best response to them would be:

·         “You can’t be serious.”

·         “I wish the children could conquer the vomiting and diarrhea they have had all week.”

·         “There is a Motel 6 right next to Denny’s just a mile from here.”

On this one, I am going for the last option. I would, and my wife knows that I would. She is not running a bed and breakfast, and never has. Now, if you as a couple decide that you want to run a bed and breakfast, more power to you. You are both different than I am, but that is okay. It is a good thing that we are not all made the same. The key is not allowing a certain expectation to be built. You are in this for the long haul, and we hope that you are somewhat sane twenty years from now, if the Lord tarries. The irony of it all was how badly this very policy was violated when Debbie and I put together these questions. We went to the beach and actually worked on this while sitting next to each other on the sand. However, I had asked Debbie if we could work on this while there, and she said yes.

We Are in This Together

How did you do? Did you pass, or did you fail? You are all still here so you must have passed. On the last page, there is a verse that Barak spoke to Deborah. He said, “If thou wilt go with me, then I will go: but if thou wilt not go with me, then I will not go” (Judges 4:8). This was Barak’s appeal to one woman. This was not a husband-and-wife situation, though it could certainly apply to that relationship. The conclusion I derive from it is that we are in this together.

When I prepared for this time together, I had two things in mind. The first was to say thank you to all of you for hanging in there and serving the Lord, and for doing your part at the location that God has placed you. Thank you also for coming to camp meeting. This camp meeting would not run as smoothly as it does without everyone doing his or her part. You are terrific people and I appreciate you all very much. The above Bible verse came to me regarding all of you. If you are not going with me, I am not going. But I know that you are going with me, and I know that you value God’s work.

Spouses Consecrated Also

Secondly, I did put some thought into what I would say to a group of ladies. Ladies are made differently than us men. I learned that early on when Debbie was pregnant with Alicia. Before Alicia was born, we went to classes so I would learn to breathe properly while Debbie was in labor. During one of those classes they talked about the fact that a woman has a nesting instinct. I had observed that and had been told that we needed a bassinet along with all those things that you need when you have a baby. To me, we didn’t need anything. The baby could use my towel, and we could pull out a dresser drawer and put a blanket in it and the baby could sleep there! But I learned about the nesting instinct, and about the fact that a woman needs a home and that is so vital to her. And here I am today talking to a group of women who have to re-locate throughout life. Worst yet, I am the guy that sits across from them telling them, “It is time to re-locate!”

That is why I say that if you are not going with me, I am not going. Without all of you, I am not up to this, but I know that you are willing. As I mentioned earlier, we made consecrations and most of you pastor’s wives were drafted. But you also made the consecrations, so we have a little leverage on you. I did tell Debbie before she married me that I felt called to preach. We got married in 1976 and I preached my first sermon in 1978, a little less than two years later. So she had some negotiating power on that one, though I did not tell her that I was called to be a pastor because I did not even think about that part or even consider it. Since then, I have teased some. Two years ago I told her that if I had known twenty-five years ago that she was called to be the leader’s wife, I would not have married her. However, there is a call, and though none of us signed up, we are happy to serve the Lord in whatever capacity He has placed us. 

When we ask a young man to be a pastor, what do we tell his wife? Her first question is, “Now that I am a pastor’s wife, what do I do?” The answer is you do what you have done before you became a pastor’s wife. That is what you do. You keep doing what you have been doing. What were you doing? You were a good wife or else your husband would not have been asked to be a pastor. Most of you here today are good mothers because your children are perfect children. So you keep on being a mother and doing what you were doing. Who knows, it might be because of you that he is where he is. I apologize to Karen and Eddy Storey because their roles are reversed, but they did give me permission to do that. There is no new huge assignment endowed upon you since you are a pastor’s wife. You do have certain strengths, and you need to use those strengths. You do not have to suddenly become someone you are not. God did not call what you weren’t. He called what you were, so just keep on being that. That is the best pastor’s wife that there is, and that is what people want. You may think there are certain expectations that exist, and you may try to measure up. However, you are most effective when you can be who you are.

Sometimes there are challenges that come along. You can be lonely, exhausted, and perhaps lean towards being so discouraged that you are depressed. When we lived in Eureka, Debbie told me that she was lonely. So I dated her to try to solve that. The important thing to remember through those down times is that Satan will come along and tell you that you are feeling that way because you are a pastor’s wife. However, these are human emotions that we experience through life. If you were to talk to anyone your age in your congregation, you would probably find out that they are going through some of the same things. So don’t let the devil tell you that you are experiencing those things because you are a deprived individual due to the role you have inherited. Focus on the privileges of being a pastor’s wife. Most of the issues that come up are real life issues rather than pastor’s wife issues, though there are times when other things do come up, so I am not totally discounting that.

Challenges in Relocating

Thinking about the nesting instinct again, women also want stability and security. If a woman’s husband is a pastor, she wants to know what happens if he dies. I don’t know, but God does. These are valid questions and real thoughts that come to a wife’s mind. There are challenges, but God will take us through and give us the victory. In 1992, we moved to Eureka when Alicia was fifteen. Prior to that we had lived in Dallas, and that last year before we moved, Alicia had started to connect with the Portland young people, so her life was full of promise and excitement. She had friends, and the drive from Dallas to Portland was only one hour and fifteen minutes. So when we were asked to move to Eureka, she had to look at it as an adventure. That year, she was going to be a junior in high school. The Eureka church had no other girls her age. She was fifteen and the closest girl to her age was Missy Jones, Mark and Bonnie Jones’ daughter, who was seven or eight at that time. The next ones older were some young ladies a bit younger than her mother. So in our minds, probably more than hers, we saw that as a challenge, and she did have some challenges. Eureka High School was three times the size of her school in Dallas and we discovered Humboldt County has similarities to Berkeley. There are people in Humboldt County who do not know the hippie age ended. So I dropped her off that first day and she went in like a trooper. The second day she did not go in like a trooper. She was scared and she did not like it. She ate her sack lunch in the stall of the ladies’ restroom. So there were challenges that were encountered. She did get over that finally, and some girls befriended her. Within a week she was on top. Today she would tell you that living in Eureka was a rich experience. She loved Eureka.

While there, she wondered whom she was going to marry. There were some guys there, but they were much older. So she was in isolation, behind the Redwood curtain, as we called it. During that time, after Sunday night church when Randy would go off with his friends, Debbie and I would take Alicia up to Arcadia and the three of us would sit down at the Mad River Saloon (it was a restaurant, not a saloon). What I am getting to is that we became her best friends, and I think we are still friends today. We are Randy’s friends too. There were blessings and there was character development in all of this. As we see character development in our children, there is also development in us as we let the Lord choose our paths, and He does.

Debbie ran up against having certain things expected of her when I became pastor. However, I have never struggled with what others viewed as expected of her. She has understood from day one that I expected her to be exactly what she was before. She did that well, and has continued to do so. So pressure to be something we are not does exist from time to time, but as husbands we can help stabilize that by being thankful and content for the strengths that our wives have. That is why we married them!

Privileges in Relocating

God’s people are a privileged people and we are privileged to be able to serve the Lord. So if you won’t go with me, I won’t go. But if you will go with me, I will go, and you have proven that you will. To give you another illustration, at camp meeting two years ago, I spoke with four couples who were content to be where they were. Their congregations were content to have them where they were. Yet as things were evaluated, certain personalities seemed to fit in certain locations. Usually there are not a lot of options, and that is helpful. However, it is not just chance. God’s way of directing is a way of clarity. Typically, there is a certain amount of probing and exploring, but God allows the pieces to fall together. What was a real blessing to us was their response. Who was I that I should sit down and ask them to move? I was expecting more of, “I am happy where I am, thank you” attitude. But they had a heart, every one of them, to want to do what God wanted them to do. That is thrilling! This does not mean that there is always a ringing endorsement like, “You sure picked that one right!” But we all want God’s will and we all want the Lord to help and to guide, and I am confident that He does.

God Will Lead

When I am contemplating moving someone, I am aware of the children involved, what their ages are, and what grades they are in school. Certainly, we would not ask someone to move who has a child that is entering their senior year of high school, or would we? If there is no other option, then it must be that God is calling, because we sure do not like to do that. We did it to Howard and Gale Wilson and they showed up today! They have a daughter who is going to be a senior this year, but she is a trooper. I think that we have to remember and be confident that God is the one prevailing. God will overrule man. Man may think one way, but in the end all we ever want is for God’s will to be done. So it will never be an easy thing to have that nesting stage disrupted, but do not get concerned; I do not have any intentions of doing so for any of you this camp meeting.

The Lord knows what He is doing and we thank Him for that. We are in this together. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to say what I have said. Let’s continue to ask God to help us to do our part in prayer along with all the other responsibilities that we have this camp meeting. The most important part is to pray, to encourage people at the altars, and to see souls pray through. Thank you for coming.

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