Meeting Transcripts

Opening Remarks

Welcome

We welcome you and are happy to have you all here, including those who are tuned in to the webcast. We acknowledged the webcast in our Friday pastor and spouse meeting stating that use of it had been announced by way of the Minister Resources Page of the website.

Minister Resource Page

If you have not taken the two-step process to be a participant on the Minister Resources Page, it’s easy to do. We have this handout which gives instructions. This is the same thing that was given to you in March so if you received it then you don’t need it now. The instructions are also on the website itself. If you didn’t have this guide, you could still gain access because the website takes you through the process. On the bottom left-hand corner of the Home Page, you will see log in. Click on that, follow the instructions, and that will grant you registration for the website. That’s part one. Part two then is to go to the Library, and then to Ministers. Then you will receive a message prompting you to choose a username and password. Doing so generates a request that comes into the office and is hopefully approved within twenty-four hours if we know you, and in the United States we know everyone. In countries abroad, we have to check with the district leader to make sure the request comes from amongst our people, and it takes a little longer. After registering, you just check this page from time to time for memos posted about the organization and matters that pertain to ministers. You can set up an RSS feed. You don’t need to, but you can.

The True Grace of God

“I have written briefly exhorting, and testifying that this is the true grace of God wherein ye stand” (1 Peter 5:12).

Introduction

One might ask, “What is the true grace of God?” I suppose the answer would be, “What I have just written to you is the true grace of God.” What Peter had just written was of the persecution and suffering that would be encountered in the Gospel and how to address it in an overcoming manner. So that is the true grace of God.

Remember when Jesus told Peter, “When thou art converted, strengthen the brethren”? And then later, the Lord said, “Feed my lambs” and “Feed my sheep”? This appears to be what Peter was striving to do in these epistles when he was way down the line as far as age. An over-simplified outline of this Epistle in the first couple of chapters, would be A Call to Holiness—“He which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy”—or Holy Living in the Face of Suffering. This is the Epistle where Peter said, “Think it not strange concerning the fiery trial, which is to try you,” and many promises were given to one encountering difficult times. So, it starts with a call to holiness, holy living.

Holy Leading

The last chapter, where we are now, would be Holy Leading in the Face of Adversity or Suffering. Because Peter wrote to open that chapter, “The elders, which are among you, I exhort, who am also an elder . . .” and continued on by saying, “Feed the flock of God.” It is our duty to feed the flock of God.

We hear, or have heard ever since I have been around at least, in the evangelical world, people of all faiths or persuasions complain, at times, that they’re not being fed. I think that’s probably code for not being hungry, but that’s a separate subject. We want to be students, not just of the Bible, but students of reading so that we might put ourselves in a position to offer something of substance to our congregations.

Today, many of us are husbands and wives, one of which is in the ministry. As we contemplate that, we are primarily concerned, (in either case, married or unmarried, whatever our status is) in holy leading. That’s what Peter wrote, related to the true grace of God. This elder was exhorting elders or leaders. In that sense, for those of us who are married, our marriage and our ministry are inseparable. We can’t leave our spouse in the dust for the sake of the ministry, nor can we leave the ministry in the dust for the sake of our spouse. We need one another. We need one another’s support all along the way. I don’t think anyone here is interested in leaving their spouse in the dust for the sake of the ministry, but it is important that we be reminded that we need our spouses not just for cooperation but wholehearted support. Consider the alternative to having a spouse who wants to serve God with all their hearts. The alternative would be to be married to someone who is reluctant to serve God with all their hearts and is holding back, or even worse, in a state that would not be in the true grace of God. Without a cooperative and supportive spouse, it would be like trying to run a marathon with a broken leg. So, we count on the support of our spouses, depend upon it, and we know that we have it, and we thank God for it.

If you’re married to a minister, you either complement his or her ministry, or you detract from it. There is no such thing as no impact. We enhance our spouse’s ministry, or we provide a distraction for our spouse’s ministry. May the Lord help us to be challenged to do all we can to be supportive. Our church needs to see that the Gospel works at home, the Gospel works in our marriage. Our children need to see it and the church needs to see it. That might prevent us from sharing every challenge we encounter with our spouse. Those in the ministry, particularly those who are pastors, see the best of God’s people and the less than best of God’s people. We don’t want to encumber our spouses with the less than the best that we observe. Let them sleep good at night and we’ll sleep better at night.

I was told of a child who grew up and told his dad he wasn’t interested in attending his church as an adult. He challenged him, “Why would I want to go to your church after all of the things you told me about the people in your church?” It’s a serious matter, but God does help. That is the true grace of God. You’ve heard me say many times, and you’ll probably hear me say it again, that my mom and dad were sinners. Yet as far as their seven children knew, they got along fine in their marriage for twenty-five years before the light of the Gospel came their way. Then conviction came, and I think there was a little trouble as a result of that, but they got saved and now have continued on another almost forty years.

Answering the call as a couple, or as an individual for that matter, isn’t without challenges. Satan would love to sidetrack one or the other. Of course, Satan would love to sidetrack everyone. Challenges include, perhaps, the expectations you feel imposed upon you as a result of answering the call. It’s expected that we have a perfect marriage, perfect children, perfect hair. All those expectations are, perhaps, a bit unrealistic. We are not much different than anyone else in the congregation except that we have a different role. We shouldn’t be overly troubled about our role. Some worry about a loss of privacy. We are observed a bit more than we were beforehand. Well, we don’t want to be so self-focused that we are overly concerned about that. If it is true that we have a little less privacy, we also have a lot more prayers coming our way so there are positives and negatives.

Personal Finances

In my first ministers’ meetings in the late 1970s we were told to keep our personal finances in order. I think Brother Loyce Carver looked around and saw that most of the pastors were in their sixties and seventies and he was looking to the fact that some would need to be pastors if they qualified in every other way. (I couldn’t read his mind as far as that goes, but it appeared in hindsight to be the case). One way that we needed to be careful was to keep our personal finances in order. We were to live in a manner that we would be available and could answer the call if it came.

Having one’s finances in order includes adopting a standard of living that is realistic for a pastor and spouse, and for the family. Pastors do face challenges economically, and we can expect that because we don’t ask a small congregation to provide for our full support. We take that into account, and with the two that are being most recently dispatched, we’ve already conversed. I asked, “How will you support yourself? How can you make a living? The church won’t be able to support you, other than providing a home, vehicle, and taking care of utilities.” In my mind from the beginning, this was a substantial benefit already. However, it doesn’t put food on the table and clothes on the backs of the children. We depend upon the Lord to provide a means of support for those who are relocating, and that is no small task. We need to follow the example of Paul the Apostle who was a tent maker, not wanting to be a burden on the local churches. I didn’t choose tent making, nor will you. But you’ll somehow have to develop a trade that can carry you through from one location to the next. We pray that God, in every case, will help along those lines.

I won’t determine your trade or your occupation. I’ll pray that God somehow helps to provide just that. It’s funny, my dad knows nothing about this, but when I was last in Roseburg, he recognized that economic times are tough. Not knowing what his frame of reference was, it’s hard for me to know what was in his mind, but for some reason, he told me that there was a time when it was good just to be able to find a job. He said pay was secondary. It seems that perhaps he has observed someone who was looking for a job but couldn’t find one that paid adequately. I didn’t make any comments or ask any questions, but there’s some truth to that. We may not be able to make what we’re thinking we’re worth, but we’re worth what somebody will pay us. Find something.

Order of Subordination

The challenge to the elders in 1 Peter 5:1 was to obey the elder. And whether “elders” here refers to age or to role, the principal here is subjection. Subordination is a Biblical doctrine, a Biblical principle. It’s throughout the Bible. That doesn’t mean that we cannot respectfully address our pastor or our leaders with concerns that we might have. We certainly are in a position where that comes with the territory of having a burden for the work of the Lord. Keep in mind that your pastor may have heard from someone else with a totally opposing view on the same subject, which may not be disclosed to you. And, if you do approach your pastor and deem him or her to be unreasonable, then God bless you for being subject to an unreasonable pastor. The same as the pastor is blessed for working with an unreasonable parishioner.

As you know, we are endeavoring to update the Minister’s Manual to include more material added to the existing material. One of the things that is in the original Minister’s Manual is that (and I’m not quoting it) basically every reader always has the right to go directly to the General Overseer. Keep in mind, during the time the original was written, the Portland headquarters work was largely a correspondence and literature operation with perhaps a dozen churches. That’s not the case today. Every decade from that time, the work has grown exponentially to where we have thousands of ministers and pastors worldwide. Today, it really isn’t feasible or even reasonable that someone who has a burden would bypass their local ministry and local pastor and local regional leader and write to me with whatever grievance they happen to have on their hearts. If that does occur, they would just get a communication back of the need to address the issue with their pastor. If someone hasn’t addressed the issue with their pastor (I convey this as kindly as I possibly can), I don’t want it addressed with me. You’ve heard me say that before. If there’s a leadership moral issue involved, that type of incident would certainly need to come to my attention. If there is a personality issue—if you just simply don’t like the personality of your pastor—then I can just tell everyone in advance, that’s the way it goes. I don’t need to know something like that. If the problem is an odd or an awkward mode of operation, where there’s fanaticism or dancing in the spirit type of things that would still need to be brought to the attention of the local pastor first. Then, if you weren’t satisfied with that response, you would simply tell the local pastor that you would like to bounce it off headquarters, and then do that. This would be the request that I would make: When you come to me, you would come with the full knowledge of your superior, your local pastor. We don’t need to go behind one another’s backs. As I’ve said before, we are all adults; we can deal with these things in an adult manner and in a Biblical manner.

Over the years, we have had some who have had a falling out with their pastor and no longer attend our church but want to come to camp meeting. We know the people who want to come to camp meeting, so when someone registers, we typically know whether or not they’re attending a church. If we’re uncertain, we find out. Even this year, there’s been at least two cases that have come to my attention where someone wanted to come badly to camp meeting but had had a falling out with their pastor. The short answer was, “You cannot come to camp meeting. First reconcile with your pastor and attend the local church and then request again that you be able to come to camp meeting.” That’s the way we would consistently handle that type of situation.

Here are a couple of other things that have recently come to my attention.

Chat Rooms

There are cyberspace prayer meetings or chat rooms where Apostolic Faith members consult with and council one another and have prayer meetings across time zones at all times of the day and night. Among these there seems to be a preoccupation with a fear of evil spirits and demonic elements as well as a condescending spirit in the midst that there has been a falling away amongst those who attend our churches. The solution, not knowing any more than I know, is simply found in supporting your local church. If the church isn’t open enough for prayer meetings, then perhaps your pastor will give you a key and you can go to church and have prayer meetings. Take advantage of the prayer meetings that exist. If any man or woman has faith, let them have it to themselves. Don’t develop this condescending spirit where you seem to have some sense of discernment that is lacking in everyone else you notice. That is indicative of a lack of discernment on your part, not on everyone else’s part.

Starting a Work

If someone lives where there’s no Apostolic Faith Church, they can tune in to any number of our church websites. There is access to services, not just in Portland, but around the world. You can have prayer and perhaps cottage meetings. However, don’t leave or abandon your local group, thinking you can go twenty or thirty miles away to start your own work. You may start your own work, but it will be your own work. Make no mistake about that.

Altar Benches

We also have, in 1 Peter, chapter 5, a warning to be sober, to be vigilant. Basically, we are to be watchful, which includes being prayerful. Our churches got it right in the beginning when they (and this wasn’t our idea) put some space between where the pulpit ordinarily is and where the congregational seating is, a space big enough for mourner’s benches (altars).

It’s exciting to hear the reports of new works who want to be Apostolic Faith and are not used to altar benches. That’s one of the first things that they are taught. We teach them to put the benches down and at the end of the service have prayer meetings. Also, that there is a chancel rail where the ministers kneel.

The chancel rail separates the platform from the congregation. This approach is in conflict with the “break down the barriers” mentality that is instructed nowadays, where we are taught to be more collaborative, working together in partnership, side-by-side. Southwest Airlines is noted for being a company that has successfully built an operation by letting the employees run the business, side-by-side with the owners. Or at least they make their employees think that they’re running the business. I don’t think the employees sign the paychecks unless they’ve been delegated by the owner to sign the paychecks. We’re not going to suggest that inmates run the prisons or students run the schools. God has an order, and despite the teachings of contemporary society, that order existed in the Bible.

I want you to consider the consequences if we ran our meetings without a raised platform, chancel rail, or altar benches. It reminds me of when, in Eureka, we had a good man responsible for setting the altars and tidying things up, which he did faithfully for a long time. When he prayed, he liked to pray in the front pew. He would stretch out there and he liked lots of room, not to be crowded. As a result, when he set up the altar benches, he would leave a lot of space between the altar and where he liked to pray. To be symmetrical, he did that all the way across. The result was that the middle altar and the altar in front of the pulpit were very close together. I went to him one day after I observed what was happening. There simply wasn’t enough room for people to come to the front altar and hardly enough room to come to the middle altar on the pulpit side. The result of that was it drove people from the altar space to the front pew and beyond. I addressed that with him and told him exactly what was happening. That wasn’t what we wanted. We space the altars quite the opposite in a manner that makes it more appealing to, if you want to spread yourself out, do it under the pulpit.

The same thing would occur if we went to the tabernacle and took down the chancel rail and lowered that platform. Carry this scenario out to the end. If this were the way we ran our meetings, we would be encouraging people to pray in the pews rather than around the altars. Aside from that, if we eliminated the chancel rail, we would make it a bit awkward for ministers to come in and kneel as the sanctuary is gathered. Our people had it right in the beginning and that is the way we want to continue to have it be.

Be Watchful

We must be watchful, also, because we are targeted in a sense. Your adversary, the Bible says, goes about as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. Having made that statement, I’m guarded to suggest that we’re more targeted than anyone else. I don’t believe that we are. I was told once that every time someone’s testimony showed up in the Higher Way, it seemed like the devil attacked them. Let’s not flatter ourselves. We’re not that important. We’re really not. Let’s not give the enemy credit. Peter wrote here that the same afflictions are accomplished in our brethren that are in the world, because it’s true. These things are common to man the Bible says. Even if we did accept, which we’re not going to accept, that we were somehow subject to more pressure from the enemy, we also have more grace extended to us. He giveth more grace. His grace is sufficient.

Interaction with the Opposite Gender

Next, I want to cover an area that we’re addressing in the Minister’s Manual in a bit more thorough fashion. It’s something that I mentioned a year ago as well, but I’ll add a few comments to that. It relates to being watchful to the extent to which we have interaction with someone of the opposite gender. That was also taught in my first ministers’ meetings in the late 1970s. The reason it comes to my attention today is because every year for the past eleven years there have been incidents or allegations of sexual misconduct that have come to my desk. When it has occurred, appropriate measures have been taken. Most challenging, when allegations are made, is when they are denied by the one accused. Of course, we then do our best to support the one accused. I could give you four instances where allegations have been made and denied, so therefore the minister was supported, and then phone records given to me showed an inordinate amount of communication between a man (in these cases) and a woman, not his wife or relative. What am I supposed to do with that? It’s inexcusable. Would you expect me to back that up? I won’t back it up. It’s not right. This is a holiness Gospel. That conduct is indefensible. Such a one should not be preaching in our organization even if no sexual misconduct occurred. If there is a track record of all this communication with one not your spouse, God help you.

We heard a testimony at camp meeting where a sister whose husband was called to be a pastor was praying and had what she called a spirit of severe jealousy. She thought, What if my husband is called to be a pastor? He’ll be dealing with women. She prayed it through, rebuking the devil, and got the victory over that spirit of jealousy. We all heard her testify, so this is okay to repeat. Get the victory over the spirit of jealousy but have a guarded spirit. If one in a marriage is uncomfortable with a level of communication, then I’m uncomfortable because I’ve dealt with this too many times and I don’t want to deal with it again. It’s as if some feel like they’re bullet proof. Or they’re just plain stupid. Honestly! Do the rules only apply to everyone else? Where’s the common sense? This isn’t about just the ministry, by the way. This isn’t altogether about laboring in the ministry; this is about life. In the world, sinners wouldn’t conduct themselves like that without raising eyebrows, so we must be above reproach.

What happens if one of the opposite gender asks to be prayed for? What if one is home sick who needs to be prayed for, and they call me, and it’s a woman? What if no other minister is around and my wife’s not around? I wouldn’t go to the house. I really wouldn’t. I’m not going to go into a home where another adult isn’t present where there’s a woman in that home. It’s just simply not acceptable. As I made my notes, I wondered if there were exceptions. I thought of Sister Esther Green who is quite sick. I thought what if someone was dying or in a frail condition, which she is, and in a lot of pain. But that wasn’t a good exception because she lives in an adult foster care home and there are other adults around. I don’t want to tie it so tight that I’m not seeing something. Some of this material will show up on the Minister Resources Page, by the way, and you’ll have opportunity to edit or bring things to mind that we don’t think of when the material is written. I couldn’t think of a good exception, nor can I now as I stand before you. We don’t enter the home of one of the opposite gender unless another adult is present. We stand at the door. I’ve had women come by the headquarters office, obviously. I remember one—I don’t remember who it was, I just remember it happened—who came burdened, wanting to talk to me, and so came in the office. I left my door partly open. We sat, she got up, closed the door, and sat back down. I got up and opened the door. I just said I have a practice of leaving the door at least partway open. I tried not to be offensive, but that’s what we do. We are careful. We’re not paranoid, we’re just using common sense.

Steps for Minimizing Risk

I recently read an article in Church Executive magazine, actually dated this month, written by Eric Spacek, titled “When Trust is Broken, the Costs are Devastating.” He’s a risk management man for an insurance company. He was writing to pastors and leaders to minimize their liability and their risk exposure with suggestions regarding certain steps that should be implemented to mitigate the possibility of legal action against them. Since then, I researched other resources as well, and saw that it’s a universal view that these steps would be taken. I’ll go through them in a few minutes as quickly as I can.

First, let’s look at the need. Spacek writes these words: “As the spiritual advisor of a church, pastors are the ones most often turned to when the congregation member is in need of spiritual guidance and counseling. While this type of service is part of the job, it is also very important that certain guidelines and boundaries be established and maintained.” And then he cites the example where a male minister undertook counseling, which we will define here as being “spiritual guidance” or “encouragement,” of a young female church member. The meetings took place in a variety of locations including a park, a coffee shop, and a restaurant. She was twenty-one years old. In the article he didn’t give the male pastor’s age. It doesn’t matter. It could have been thirty, it could have been forty-five, it could have been sixty. Men my age can become infatuated with a woman half their age, and young women can become infatuated with men of any age. It happens.

This is not a light matter or a matter to be viewed humorously. It’s a risk that exists and one that the enemy takes advantage of. It brings to mind a brother that we had who prayed in Portland around the altars. He was a good altar worker, but he could always be found praying just on the other side of the men’s side, into the women’s area where the young ladies prayed. I went to him one day and said, “I want you to take a burden for the young men.” He did for a meeting or two, but then went back taking a burden for the young ladies. I went to him again and told him, “Move over, buddy.” Our prayer meetings cross ethnic and racial barriers, but they don’t cross gender barriers. You can have a rare exception. If some stranger comes in, they won’t know how we operate. If a man came in and prayed on the woman’s side, we would wander over there to pray with him. But it’s not going to happen very often. We wish more strangers would come in and it would happen more often in that sense. If a woman came in, we would ask another woman to go pray with her.

In the case cited, the young lady alleged that the minister sexually exploited her by taking advantage of his position of power. We are in a position of power. These teenagers come to us and maybe they’ve never had a father figure. Maybe they’re looking for the male attention that they have lacked. Or maybe the male is looking for the female attention that’s lacking. Whether they’re married or not married. Well, anyway, we don’t know the circumstances. In this case, the minister was sued, the senior pastor was sued, and the church was sued. The outcome of that wasn’t given, but for the purposes of our discussion today, it’s irrelevant. We’re trying to minimize the risk, minimize our exposure by taking certain steps.

One other note before I go into the steps, is that ministers should always defer to the pastor. We can’t have those on staff conducting their own little side ministry without the awareness of the pastor. That’s particularly true in a branch church. The pastor needs to know what’s going on. If someone comes to you with a heavy burden that they want to share with you, if you promise not to tell anyone, immediately say, “I cannot promise that I will not tell. I may need to consult with others.” That’s a red flag. I won’t promise not to tell. I may need to tell. You may need me to tell. That’s not to say that we won’t honor confidences, but that’s not a breach of confidence in a case like that. There are those who seek out the ones who they think will give them the most favorable response, which may not be the response they need.

The steps to minimizing risk are: Limit the scope, limit the number of sessions, establish meeting location guidelines, limit the time of day and length of meeting, be professional, and document your meeting.

Step one: limit the scope

The topics to be discussed are spiritual and Biblical in nature. I’ll quote now from Spacek: “If the counselee needs assistance on other issues, such as domestic abuse, substance abuse, mental health concerns, refer them to a professional counselor in your area.” We don’t offer ourselves to be counselors in the therapeutic sense. Our counsel is to be Biblical and Scriptural in nature. Even if we viewed ourselves as qualified and licensed, we don’t want to accept the risk involved. If you have a private practice, which we wouldn’t object to if that was the way you were gainfully employed outside the church, then that’s one matter. But you would be doing it under the auspices of your private practice, not as a representative of the Apostolic Faith organization. Remember, we’re called to preach the Latter Rain Gospel. That’s our ministry. That’s what we’ll stick to, number one. And number two, we’re not going to accept the risk of the liability concerns that come with it. Someone who has a private practice would have the appropriate malpractice insurance and all the rest. We are covered with some malpractice in that sense, but we don’t want you practicing in that manner. Biblical and Scriptural is what we’ll do. If you want to take classes on how to help people in grief or areas that might be therapeutic in nature, go ahead, but only to the extent that you are going to use them to provide Biblical and Scriptural counsel, not therapy. We refer those who need more, want more, think they need more, to a professional in the area.

I studied material outside the Bible to arrive at this presentation, although this isn’t quite comparable because I’m speaking of risk management, but nonetheless there are things that we can learn. It doesn’t hurt to note or be aware of those who are demonstrating narcissistic or passive aggressive behavior. It is one thing to observe it but another thing to try to treat it. We’re not going to. We’ll leave that to somebody else, but we might notice when we’re being manipulated or when an attempt is made to manipulate us. We’re not to be dismissive of the professionals, either. They have been found to be helpful and they have been found to be harmful. We’ll focus on what we’re called to do.

Step two: limit the number of sessions

Don’t be a party to an open-ended, opposite-gender, counseling relationship. Keep in mind that when one of the opposite gender comes and discloses their soul, their concerns, we have entered into a level of intimacy right there. I’m not saying that in an evil sense. I’m just saying in a practical sense. In my case, I would be a male listening to a female, and suddenly a female is comfortable. There is a level of intimacy right there which should send up red flags every which way. Limit the number of sessions when someone wants to come talk to you. Most often, you meet once and not again. How many times are you going to say the same thing over and again. And you might disclose to the counselee that you’ll mention this to your spouse for prayer support. You might mention it to your spouse. You might plant that seed, but you may decide I’m not going to because I don’t want to burden my spouse. When we first moved to Portland, Debbie sent out birthday cards, and one of the birthday cards said: “Congratulations on your 80^th birthday.” Well, we got a phone call from someone, and I wasn’t quite sure who it was, but they wanted to talk to Debbie. It’s quite funny, but I wasn’t going to let them talk to Debbie and asked why they wanted to. They didn’t want to say. I basically didn’t give the green light for her to talk to Debbie. I wanted to know, “What is this related to?” She wouldn’t say, so we ended the conversation at kind of an impasse. I wasn’t going to let her talk to my wife without me knowing what it was going to be about. For all I knew, she didn’t like my wife. If she was going to attack her, she could just come to me directly. For all I knew, she didn’t like me but was going to go through my wife. That happens, too.

Spacek suggests no more than three to five sessions and adds, “If the counselee is in need of further counseling after your maximum number of sessions have been met, refer them to a local professional health counselor.”

Step three: establish meeting location guidelines. Meet only in a location where another adult is nearby, and that adult is aware that a meeting is taking place. It is most likely that you will meet at the church, though we cannot rule out the possibility that you would meet in a home, when spouse or another adult is present.

In all meetings, keep the door open.

Do not meet one-on-one with opposite gender at a restaurant, coffee shop, or mall, even though there are strangers all around.

There is one, rare “Joseph exception,” and that would be when there is a professional relationship with regards to employment, in which fulfilling job responsibilities includes working with an individual of the opposite gender. This would not be a matter of choice, but rather of necessity. And note that even Joseph found himself in a position where he had to flee that environment, at the risk of sacrificing his employment.

Step four: limit time of day and length of meeting. That means your availability is limited to during established office hours, during Sunday school, or before/after church services, and always when other adults are nearby. According to Spacek, a reasonable length of time for a session is thirty to forty-five minutes. He states, “If counseling is needed beyond that amount of time, refer the counselee to a professional counselor.”

Step five: be professional. We are to keep our one-on-one private communication with one of the opposite gender on a professional level, and always with another adult nearby. Excessive phone calls, unnecessary texting, and questionable Facebook communications have at times put me in the unnecessary role of defender. If we maintain sensible boundaries and keep our interaction on a professional level, it will be difficult for anyone to question the propriety of our communication.

If we are careful on a professional level, should we not be even more careful on a social or friendship level? This includes interaction that is part of Sunday school, the music work, and other areas. We are all friends, but we are still not going to do coffee together with somebody else’s spouse.

Step six: document your meeting. In a confidential place, keep notes of the time, place, date and content of your counseling sessions. Honor privacy concerns. As I mentioned earlier, never agree to “promise not to tell anyone else.” You may later need liberty to seek further guidance.

Keep this consideration in mind: Is counseling for them, or for us? We must never use counseling, the responsibilities of ministry, or our service as pastors, to gratify our own personal sense of self-worth, or as validation of our call. If counselees need spiritual and Biblically based encouragement, God has placed us in a position to help. If they feel they need more, we must refer them to a professional in our area. Yes, there are risks in referring; professional counseling often will be secular treatment. If it is a Christian counselor, there may be a Calvinistic perspective. There are also risks in not referring. Aside from the legal risk, a major risk of not referring is that a medical or mental health problem exists that we are not in a position to diagnose or treat.

What the God of all grace can do

A final look at 1 Peter should leave us encouraged. The Apostle says, “But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you” (1 Peter 5:10).

But the God of all grace. . . Peter had discovered True Grace. 

Who hath called us unto his eternal glory. . . Keep this end always in view!

After that ye have suffered a while. . . We may say “ouch!” in response to suffering, but we must always keep in mind that the length and severity of our challenges is short and light compared to the reward. We read in 2 Corinthians 4:17 that “our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.” 

Make you perfect. . . Notice that being made perfect occurs by the very events we had hoped to avoid. 

Stablish. . . The Greek word means “to set fast; to fix firmly; to render immovable (in a positive manner).”

Strengthen . . . Give you the capacity to bear all this.

Settle you. . . Literally, found you, or establish you on a firm foundation. The allusion is to a house which is so firmly fixed that it will not be moved by winds or storms.

Thanks so much for attending today. We will be dismissed now in prayer.